WHERE'S LOLABRIGADA

So my baby and I were making tacos on Sunday and he laughed at me because I didn't know I wasn't supposed to cut the head of lettuce with the big knife. Then he laughed at me because I didn't know how to cut the lettuce or the tomatoes. I'm trying to learn this new concept that millions of other people in the world apparently already know of: cooking.

I have always been what I like to call kitchen-deficient. I don't even own pots and pans. I believe that the microwave IS the greatest invention EVER!!! I remember being laughed out of the kitchen because I didn't know what a tbsp. of salt was (I thought it was 2 pounds). And because my minute rice took 20. And because I could't peel a potato. And because I didn't know you had to thaw meat before cooking. And I didn't know that just becasue I saw people put grease in a coffee can that you can't use coffee to cook. (let's just say that I thought that's where the grease came from, lol!)

I won't say that I hate cooking, I just don't have a passion or desire or liking or taste for it. Nor do I need or want or feel the need to cook. My thing is that if all my friends and family can cook (And they ALL can), then I'll never go hungry. (And I never have, lol!) I remember telling my grandmother as a kid that I didn't need to cook because I was gonna be rich and get a maid to do all of that for me! As you can see, even as a mere lad, I had delusions of grandeur. WHERE'S LOLABRIGADA!!!!!

I DID cook one meal in my lifetime. Last January, in order to satisfy my New Year's resolution (I did it in January to get it over with!), I made Chicken Cacciatore with white rice. I got the recipe from my BFF. When I told everyone I was doing it, everyone laughed and noone belived me!!! How rude, right??? Only one person volunteered to be my guinea pig: my baby, Mr. Smith (this was when we dated the first time). I slaved and slaved for what seemed like hours grocery shopping and cooking this meal. And yall know what? It was slammin!!!!! He ate 2 servings and he didn't die! I took some to my BFF for the final test and she gave me "... an F! For F***in Fantastic!!!" It was a proud moment in my life, but definitely something I wasn't looking forward to doing ever again.

I can really think of a thousand other things to do rather than cook. I can sleep, watch football, work, shop, watch a movie, read a book, take a shower, have sex, jump off a building, scratch my eyes out, rob a bank, you know, fun stuff! But for the sake of love I guess I need to study up on this Rachel Ray chick or the frugal gourmet. Cuz my baby likes it when I cook with him, so I guess I better adapt right? (I do have a secret: I can make potato salad from scratch. But dont tell NOOOObody, lol!)